Childhood games

The wonderful thing about childhood is freedom. Sometimes our kids don't think that they have this. After all they have chores, school, and parents that tell them what to do. Really, when you look at it objectively, I don't know it's that they have more free time, but the way that they use it is different-- O.K. they have more free time too (: but they use that free time with more abandon. They don't worry about wasting time, or being efficient, relaxing, or saving up strength. They have a freedom in their play that is beautiful to watch. A lack of pressure or worry that would be wonderful to emulate. That is why a child's laughter is so beautiful to us. It echos with joy and freedom. *Once they get past the "What should we do" phase of the day.*

We recently bought a trampoline and the kids have a lot of fun on it. They love to take turns bouncing high. We already have two girls whose backs hurt. So we are probably going to have to make visits to the chiropractor for them. All of the sudden the trampoline casts a lot more then I thought it would. ):

Joseph has a game that he has made up all the rules to. It is using a globe and they take turns conquering countries. I think maybe Risk is in order?

One of my greatest joys is that my children are such good friends with one another. They fight occasionally, but not very often and not very intense. They love each other and serve one another so beautifully. Alayna is almost as good as I am at getting Noah to do things, and Evelyn will sit for an hour entertaining Isabelle. They love to read to each other and play with each other and talk together. I want that closness to last into their teen years and through on up to when they are adults. What better thing is possible then close family friends?

Hospital stays

Sometimes this last week I had to take off my glasses. Then I squished my eyes shut took two deep breaths and opened them again. Nope. It didn't go away. The white bare walls, the white board that says Welcome to Henson Tower RN: Jai Lee. I sigh and lay my head back against the smooth vinyl chair. My eyes close of their own will. Then I'm awake and for the small second of time it takes before I open my eyes I've had a bad dream. But I open my eyes and it's back, not a dream at all. The vinyl tiled floor, the huge crib, and my sick little girl with wires and I.V. line sticking out of her.

The first night Izabelle was exhausted from the poking and prodding of all the nurses and doctors. We had been admitted for a "overnight stay" just to get IV fluids in her and get her re hydrated. She had blood taken for tests, three tries for the IV, deep suctioning through the nose, and a catheter to check urine content. She didn't sleep, just cried in exhaustion, too tired to sleep, too tired to eat. The I.V. was in one foot and the oxygen monitor was on the other. She kicked both feet vigorously, then she would give up and sleep, only to awake five minutes later and kick again. Two days later she succeeded. She had sweat and kicked enough and kicked the IV line out. Luckily by then we didn't need it, by then we should have been home, but the doctors wanted us to stay so that we could get a swallow study done faster. Out patient- 1-3 months. In Patient 1-2 days.

Even though we were admitted for dehydration, they had done an X-ray to check on her clinically diagnosed pneumonia. It was in her upper right lung and was therefore probably aspiration caused. Thus the swallow study.

Tuesday morning I make sure to time her feedings so that she will be hungry but not too hungry at 1:30. She sleeps all morning, I have to wake her to feed her, she is still recovering. At 11 am right before I am going to feed her the Transportation team shows up. We need to take her now or we might have to wait until tomorrow. So they put my sweet baby on a stretcher attach lead wires, buckle her in and wheel her out. She is OK and looks around at everything watching everything go by. When we get to the downtown hospital, she starts to fuss, by now it's been an hour past her time to eat, and she has been awake for longer then she has in a while. We transfer her into a blue chair leaning slightly backwards and I am told that They can't mix the barium in to my milk, they already have it ready as it's own "formula". Hmmm, this is going to be difficult. Izy, doesn't like bottles much, but if she tastes the milk in them she will usually try to get it out. I had been counting on this one familiar thing to help her. They had a normal bottle, but she won't suck on it, so they try a haberman feeder, where they can push it out into her mouth. She gives one weak suck then the chalky barium came out and she was more then a bit upset. She turns her head to get away from it, but she is tired and weak and they keep forcing her to look forward. They try to get her to suck, but she just doesn't want it. So they put some in her mouth. It flows down her throat as she weakly cries. It sits there and sits there. Finally she swallows. Penetration. I hear them say. Try the nectar consistency. Penetration. She isn't making a bolus in her mouth, she says, she needs to pull it together into one spot to swallow. But my little girl doesn't want it, she doesn't want to eat this strange chalky liquid they keep forcing down her throat. And without some effort at eating, some sucking and suction to help her it isn't happening. Later I realize what it reminds me of. It reminds me of trying to drink from a sports bottle without touching it with your lips. The water pools at the back of your throat and then you make a huge sometimes painful effort to swallow with out breathing it in.

I express that "this isn't a fair trial, she doesn't eat like that." Well the lady says, what side does she like to eat on? The Left I say. OK, lets lean her to that side. We talk about ways to make it closer to what she is used to. Finally I take the nipple shield and put it on my hand. I run the syringe under it and give it to her. Success! She is sucking. Something familiar she thinks. But then she tastes the chalk. Ugh, not in here too! And then she gives up. She tunes out the world, closes her eyes and does a very weak comfort suck. She doesn't want food, I can tell from the suck that she doesn't, but they are telling me. Mom, you need to give her some more she isn't getting any. So I give her some and I hear the rapid fire Penetration. Penetration. Aspiration! Stop! Try the Nectar thickened. It doesn't help. Nothing is going to make this little girl swallow right at this moment. As soon as they stop the test her eyes close and light snoring is heard. So the recommendation is a feeding tube with very limited-therapy-only-feeding by mouth for my sweet sick, exhausted, confused little girl who can't handle different.

After going over this in great detail for the doctors and reiterating that we don't feel the test was fair we were blessed immensely by an understanding doctor. She looked me in the eye and said- No one is going to tell you to stop feeding your baby. What you guys decide to do is up to you, we are all here to help you, but ultimately the choice is yours. I'm surprised I didn't float out of my seat so great was the weight that came off of my shoulders. Tears sprang to my eyes and I knew that the Lord had answered my prayer for a doctor that had the spirit. I had had several people tell me that many times doctors will report parents to DFS for not getting a feeding tube after a swallow study that showed aspiration. After she said that I was able to think more objectively. We told her that we would need to think about it.

After prayer Joseph and I both feel that she should get a G-tube when she is healthy enough for surgery. We think that if we give her the bulk of her nutrition over night then we can work with her on getting stronger muscles to eat during the day. Right now we have to give her the food, and we can't make her work for it or she will loose weight. It will also help when she is sick. I don't think she aspirates typically, but I do think she does when she is sick or tired. I don't know for sure that these are the only or even the best reasons, I only know that this is the decision that gives us peace. I know that our dear little girl is even dearer to our Father in Heaven and she is in His hands.

Dear Honorable Senators and Representatives

I write on behalf of the people of the United States of America. I write to try once again to get you to hear us. We wonder what your opinion is of us, why it is that no matter how many times we write or call to tell you we don’t want to give you anymore of our money you ignore us. No matter how many times we rise together to protest that this is not the direction we wish to take our country in, you turn a blind eye. ‘We know what you think’ you say. ‘We understand that we are talking about a lot of money especially to the common everyday man. You simply don’t understand, and can’t see from where you are how big this crisis is. We must act now we must do something. That is what you elected us for. If you could just see the whole picture.’ You say ‘then you would understand’.
I am reminded of other politicians who had similar thoughts. Bastiat in his essay The Law speaks of the great arrogance that was present in his day. The politicians and writers who felt that mankind must have the powerful hand of the legislator to prevent the downward spiral of humankind. There seems to be a dichotomy though. Here are Bastiat’s words on the hypocrisy of the legislator. “When it is time to vote, apparently the voter is not to be asked for any guarantee of his wisdom. His will and capacity to choose wisely are taken for granted. Can the people be mistaken? Are we not living in an age of enlightenment?. . . Are they not capable of judging for themselves? Do they not know what is best for themselves? Is there a class or a man who would be so bold as to set himself above the people, and judge and act for them? No, no, the people are and should be free. They desire to manage their own affairs, and they shall do so. But when the legislator is finally elected -- ah! then indeed does the tone of his speech undergo a radical change. The people are returned to passiveness, inertness, and unconsciousness; the legislator enters into omnipotence. Now it is for him to initiate, to direct, to propel, and to organize”

I think that we are not the ones that cannot see. Please stop for a moment and listen. Let us show you the whole picture. Let us help you to see and to understand why we Americans are against and appalled at what you are doing up in your ivory towers. The new mother who looks at her child and knows that because of her lack of power to stop it, this child will take home less of their pay then any generation before. The father out working on the car with his son who looks at him and wonders if a mechanics pay will ever be enough to sustain him now that taxes are so high. The single mom who takes out her few bills and adds up how many groceries it can buy knowing that she must add more and more to cover taxes. The small business owner who falls into bed exhausted at the end of the day because he no longer can afford to hire extra help. You see he is one of the rich elite class who works to support his family. The grandmother who has horded her pennies for years saving the rubber bands off of newspapers and carefully washing them so she wouldn’t have to dip into her slender savings to buy them. Can you see her? Do you see her wrinkled hands washing, her smile as she explains to her grandchildren how to be careful with their money and never go into debt? The wisdom of the ages past shines in her face. What is she going to do when inflation causes that little nest egg she has built up ever so carefully to be worth nothing? You can pay her bills with printed money, but can you ever give her back her independence, the joy and contentment that comes from a life of planning ahead? Do you see us? We are here. We are living and laughing and continuing strong in life, because that is what we do. When life slows down though and we have a minute we wonder 'What does the future hold? How can we ever get out from this mountain of debt? What happens if we can't?'

In 1610 in Virginia, some politicians decided that the free market system just wasn’t working. They took control and placed stringent limits on what could or couldn’t be done with “the common store.” In heart break and sorrow they finally realized that no matter how good things look on paper, no matter how hard you trample people to get your way, it doesn’t work. The only way to insure peace and prosperity is to give the people their freedom. They may fall sometimes, but the size of the human heart will amaze and surprise you. We will take care of one another. I think we can all agree that we don’t need a parental government. The government is there to protect our rights through force. Everything the government does is through force or the threat of force. George Washington rightly said “Government is not reason. It is not eloquence. Government is force; like fire it is a dangerous servant -- and a fearful master.”

We voted you in to represent the interests of the American people. We ask only that you look farther ahead then this month or this year. Look at what your actions will mean in the course of a hundred years. What will history books say about you, about our generation? That we took responsibility for our own problems? Thought out of the box and changed the nation for the good? Or will they say instead that we thought only of our own pleasure, that we in effect sold our children into slavery to pay for our own needs, our own wants. Let us rather be the generation like the founding generation. The generation that refused to balk from facing problems head on. The generation that gave their comfort, their security and even their lives to buy us this freedom and prosperity we enjoy. The generation who refused to put off their problems and compound them. Let us not leave a legacy of debt and slavery but prosperity and freedom to our children, grandchildren and great-grand children.

Sincerely,

An American Mother

It's all in the way you do it

Scene 1
We see a small pristine town with wide straight streets and clean sidewalks. Everything is in good repair and flowers are planted in every yard. Everyone we see is smiling and greeting one another. All of the people are industrious. One older gentleman in overalls is going from house to house watering and fertilizing plants and flowers. Several people standing on the sidewalk talking see him and go over to lend a hand. There is a man putting in a new window in one of the houses, he stops, seeing an older lady almost trip on her steps at the next house over and helps her in before getting her groceries and then returns to his work. Children push each other on the swings, the older ones giving the younger ones especially long turns. The older lady appears again bringing out freshly baked banana bread and calls the children over to have some. Yells and laughter fill the air as the children rush over, letting the youngest get theirs first and thanking the lady with happy faces and mouths full to brimming. Every face is happy, every belly and every heart full. Harmony, companionship, and love made them truly brothers and sisters.

Scene 2
A street full of broken down houses. All the children we can see are crying from hunger, or fearfully staring out from behind tattered curtains. One adult from each house is clutching ration cards and hurrying to the store before the food is gone. Their only small comfort is that their neighbors don't have it any better. Most houses have broken windows, but all have been recently badly painted the same color by a government crew. Conspicuous is the lack of churches, decent shoes, and cars. Every adult and older child had just walked home from the same factory in town, each young child from the same school. At school they learned from the same books, played the same games, and recited the same lines that little children across the nation did. The people are quiet, any conversations are hurried and hushed. The silence is suddenly broken by a police van screeching to a halt. An old man quietly points to the neighbors house and soon thereafter cries are heard from within, then out onto a suddenly deserted street, a man is drug, and tossed into the van. His wife and children stand watching from the doorway tears and cries torn from their throats as the van drives away.

Scene 3
A small town street with some of the houses in good repair, others need a little paint. On the corner stands a small gas station convenience store. A man drives up the street into his driveway, a deer carcass in his truck, he waves to his neighbor and brings his rifles into the house. Two neighbors are talking at their fence. “You really ought to consider voting for Henly, he really knows his stuff.” “Aw I don't know. The papers were saying he was involved in that scandal down at the Baptist church last year.” “Well, I guess we are all free to have our own opinions.” A child comes out, and joins in playing hide and seek. “That's not fair!” yells one, “Tommy was peeking! You'd better stop that Tommy or I'll tell your mom!” Suddenly, a man comes running from the gas station. “Stop that thief!” Yells the station attendant. The neighbors who had just been talking tackle the thief and hold him while the station manager runs up. He rips a bag of cash from the thief's hands and then hits him hard across the face with his fist. He grabs a stick and raises it to hit the thief. “Stop it Sam!” says the neighbor, “Just call the police. Even a thief has got his rights.”

The methods of achieving equality and the types of equality that are sought after affect the lives and happiness of those in society.
In the first Zion-like scene men truly had charity and cared for one another, equality wasn't forced, and the results were beautiful. Comradeship and family feeling, love, a feeling of being in this together, and looking out for each other reigned. Service willingly given with no expectation of a reward, and watching for those who may have fallen in order to lift them up. This equality only occurs when people voluntarily come closer to Christ and therefore closer to one another. This is the utopia, the Zion that we have been searching for for years. Many have tried; many have failed by putting the result- equality- before the cause- charity.
The second scene is an example of forced equality. When not all men want to be the same and pressure is applied to force them, frequently the natural man will break out. In the natural man the more equal he becomes the more he looks with jealousy at those about him who might ‘get the bigger piece’. As any parent of more then one can tell you, the more you attempt to keep everything exactly fair, the more importance your children put on it and the more they watch with jealous eyes lest their sibling get more then them in some area. Man has a natural desire or need to stand out from the crowd in some way, so the more you equalize some areas the more competitive he gets in others. This competition can often even be positive, but when you deprive a man of the natural outlets for competition and excellence, then it can turn ugly. Like crabs in a bucket they turn on each other, snapping, clawing, climbing, dragging down anyone that stands out from the crowd, and then using them as a step stool for their own ambition. Is it any wonder that turning your neighbors in to the secret police became common practice in some countries?
In the third scene the equality is harder to see. Without a people that are all of one heart or a perfect government, and without stooping to force and slavery how is equality possible? Perhaps the question should be- What equality can we have? When we talk about ways to make everyone equal the question has to be asked- In what way? We cannot be exactly the same- we are not all clones and never can be. (Who would want to be?) We can make superficial equality by using uniforms, eating the same things and doing the same things, but then individual choices and liberty are taken away. Equality of thought isn’t a reality and hopefully never will be. Some people want equality of opportunities, but accidents of birth and fortune deny this. So others turn to equality of results and attempt to limit those that have natural genius while bringing others that have no taste for the subject up to par. Their success in this has been very limited. It would seem every way we turn equality is denied us by the Lord Himself. The kind left is the equality of rights which we can give even in this imperfect world. We can allow all men the same privileges, and leave it up to the individual how to take advantage of them. They were given the liberty to choose and to live their own lives.
Can you have equality and freedom? Yes. With imperfect corruptible leaders you must have checks and balances, with perfect incorruptible angels you can have Zion. As James Madison put it in Federalist paper 51 “If men were angels, no government would be necessary. If angels were to govern men, neither external nor internal controls on government would be necessary. In framing a government which is to be administered by men over men, the great difficulty lies in this: you must first enable the government to control the governed; and in the next place oblige it to control itself.”
Since we live in the real world and not Zion yet we need to face the fact that love is not universal. Equality of outcomes and opportunities cannot occur in our situation without force(read loss of freedom) coming to bear. The natural tendencies to try to be first and get the best are too strong right now. So our choices are equality of rights, leaving us with our liberty, or attempted equality of outcome through force and slavery.
Equality then is not an end in and of itself. We must not put the cart before the horse or we will find ourselves stripped of our liberty, clawing and being clawed at in the bottom of a bucket. Tocqueville had this to say:
I think that democratic communities have a natural taste for freedom; left to themselves, they will seek it, cherish it, and view any privation of it with regret. But for equality their passion is ardent, insatiable, incessant, invincible; they call for equality in freedom; and if they cannot obtain that, they still call for equality in slavery. They will endure poverty, servitude, barbarism, but they will not endure aristocracy.(Democracy in America pg 118)
A careful watch must be made on these tendencies if we will keep our freedom. Let us, all of us take that watch and strive to become more like Christ ourselves so that when he does come we will be ready for true unity and freedom in Zion.

Seriously Sitting

Isabelle is really sitting up! We are thrilled. She is also babbling up a storm. The problem is that she is the most laid back sweet easy child. It takes a lot to make her want to do something. Most of the time she might complain a bit if she wants something, but then it's like she says 'Fine. Whatever.' Anyway, I'll post pics when the get in my inbox from my sis-in-law Rachel.
Noah is the comic relief at our house. We were driving down the road and I could hear him in the back trying to repeat a rhyme his siblings taught him. 'Here is the church, Here is the temple (ohhh, how sweet! I'm thinking), Open the steeple and out come the people, close the door and the people die. . .because I squished them.'

I cracked up I couldn't help it. I could see his perplexed look in the mirror saying what is mommy laghing about. Too too funny.

All the kids are now really into a game called Wizarding 101. Even their dad got an free online account so that they could all play it together. Noah thinks this game is the best thing in the world. He however has a different name for it- "Lizarding 101" They have to do chores before they can play and so he is always asking me 'Mama, what is my chore? Where does this go?'

Evelyn is really turning into a helper with the baby. She loves to entertain her and will play with her and talk to her for the longest of any of the children. Isabelle loves her and today was laughing at her.

Alayna, is my monkey. She is always on the go, always climbing, always finding or making a new friend. She is also very helpful around the house and has a way with Noah. She can almost always get him to cooperate and do what he is supposed to do.

Watch out shakesphere here comes Joseph Ammon. He is starting to write a play and is coming up with an idea for a novel. He is still quite interested in History and reads pretty much whatever he can get his hands on.

I wish the kids could go outside more. We'll have to do more of that in the fall again. It is soo hot and humid here that I send them out only to have them pop back in after 5 minutes.

Life is good here in Missouri, but I think it would be anywhere that I have my family and the church. We are growing old together. Some of us older then others. Living and learning, loving and laughing.

Sorry this post is kind of random. I just wanted to get up a little bit about each of the kids.

A blog back from the dead

So my dad told me that the best way for my Grandma to keep in touch and see pictures and such is on a blog. Guilt set in. I think the last time. . . Nope I don't remember. OK. I'll do it. Sundays are a great day for blogging then I don't have to feel guilty that I'm not doing school work.
I've decided this will count for family history for right now. (: So between that and keeping in touch with relatives I guess I feel less guilty spending the time then not.

Forget the third time. In our case the eighth time is the charm and Isabelle has finally gotten her MRI done. For those of you who don't know why she would need this expensive piece of medical science she had an abnormal CAT scan back in February
when we were trying to find out why she wasn't thriving. They found that she has a mid line problem. Her pituitary gland doesn't stimulate enough thyroid (which we found out is the baby growth hormone. Anyway the MRI gives more detail and should show if there are other problems. They were also looking for a submucousal cleft because she gets milk up her nose whenever she eats. We should get the results on Monday.
I have been able to get enough milk with five pumps per day and recently I have gone down to four. We will see how it goes, hopefully I won't have to go back up. Unfortunately, I found out I was doing the pumping thing all wrong to begin with. I didn't have any sort of plan I just pumped when I needed milk long enough to get what I needed. As a result I ended up with multiple really bad cases of mastitis. Then I got her off of finger feeding and back to the breast at 8 weeks. We were thrilled but we didn't know she had suction problems and wasn't able to get enough out. So we ended up in the hospital with failure to thrive. The hardest part was that I had been watching her and I knew she was getting some milk she just wasn't getting enough. That, plus the lack of thyroid, and getting sick made her loose weight instead of gaining. So while she was 8 lbs 4 oz at 2 months she was 7 lbs 11 oz at 4 months. Anywho, we are hopeful that we can find the reason for her low suction and hopefully fix it.
She is doing great she grows well when we can keep her from getting sick. That isn't easy with four loving and adoring older siblings. She also has low tone and so her milestones are a little behind, but she can roll over both ways and she is starting to be able to sit up for very short periods on her own.
Well, ta ta for now. We'll see if I can keep this up just on Sundays. (:

Well for this our first post we designed the blog with an Ice Age theme because we have had nothing but freezing rain and ice for the last three days. Kansas City is basically one big ice skating rink. However, as proof positive that the weather does not cause all of us to be depressed we submit for your entertainment a picture of some overly enthusiastic children.