Blessed

I have always had a hard time accepting things from others.  I felt uncomfortable when people would give me things or serve me (with the notable exception of my parents).  I think it is because I am independent and strong-willed.  I hope I am not proud.  Lately, the Lord has been helping me to learn to accept and appreciate gifts from others.
When Isabelle was born I expected to have the same nursing relationship with her that I have had with my other children.  I already had a picture in my mind of what it would be like.  When she refused the breast, my heart broke.  I knew she was not refusing me, but somehow I couldn't meet her needs.  When I finally weaned her off of finger feeding I felt vindicated.  You just have to try hard enough.
At four months she had lost weight and we were sent to the hospital.  When I attempted to pump for her I couldn't get nearly enough.  What happened?  I felt betrayed and disillusioned.  This wasn't supposed to happen.  While I struggled to come to terms and to get my supply back up, Stephanie, my wonderful sister-in-law stepped up and using a hand pump, changing her diet, and loosing sleep, she brought us milk about every other day.  She did this for about a month, and I struggled to accept this wonderful amazing gift.  I tried many times to tell her how much it meant to me, but I don't know that you can understand unless you are recieving .  I felt relieved when my supply finally caught up.  I'm sure she did too.  (:
More recently, I have had my supply go down some and her needs increase.  I was going through my frozen milk supply fairly rapidly and had tried a hypo allergenic formula to supplement.  I found that while I could get her to accept it by mixing it with milk, if I gave it to her straight she would throw it up.  I didn't want to give it to her, I knew that especially with her challenges she needed the most help she could get and so I started working again to get my supply up.  It has worked only to a point, and then it stopped.  Short of what her needs are.  My family and I started to feel the strain of constant pumping.
Then another wonderful friend, Anaise, offered to pump once a day for me.  To her it is a small inconvenience.  Extra dishes, keeping track of a pump, 15 minutes or so.  She has assured me that it does not interfere too much with her life.  This is important to me because she already has a lot on her plate.  To Isabelle it means better nutrition, more brain growth, and less stomach trouble.  To me. . .to me it is an amazing gift of love.  It is someone doing for me what I cannot.  It is relief.  Time with my other kids.  Time with my husband.  Time to enjoy and hold my baby.  Peace of mind that even though there are so many things that I can't do for my little girl, so many things that I can't effect or change, so much wondering if I am doing enough, in this one area I know she is getting the very best nutrition possible.  With the help of others and the help of a all knowing all loving Father in Heaven we are giving her the absolute best thing for her.

Thank you to everyone who prays for her.  I feel those prayers.  Thanks to all of those that have served us in a hundred different ways.  Who have asked about her, who care about us.  Thank you.  I am learning to accept that I cannot do it all, but with the Lords help and the help of his angels on this earth, the important things can get done.






Merry Christmas!

 

Nutcracker Madness!

Joseph is in there if you look carefully. (:

Wow! Thinking back on the last three days I am happy.
Happy they are done.
Happy we had the oppurtunity.
Happy for friends and family supporting us.
Happy.
We have just finished 7 performances of the Nutcracker. Two on Thursday, Three on Friday and two on Saturday. The kids worked hard. They practiced and worked to get their parts down right and in the end it was worth it. Sometimes everything went smoothly other times we hit some bumps but in the end we came through it.
Joseph Ammon was an Older Party Guest (others his age were the younger ones- which he said was more exciting, but when you are 5 foot 7 it is hard to act the younger parts), a mouse, a page and a Russian Dancer. His Ballet teacher complimented me that his russian dancing has come a long way and it has. He is more confident, more flexible and faster.
Alayna was a fairy attendant, a buffoon, and a wind-up doll (this part was only through perseverance since it was already given to someone else but Alayna kept showing up to rehearsals and stood in for this other little girl who never came so she got the part by default). She did a wonderful job in all her parts and is very talented. By the last performance she did much better at looking out at the audience and Smiling.
Evelyn had her first experience with the nutcracker. She wanted to be in it last year, but it was too late to put her in. She was a snow bird and a Merry Maid. She was adorable and loved to be early to her post so that she could be absolutely sure to make her part. She smiled and acted and delighted in the attention.
Noah wasn't technically in the nutcracker this year. But every time we went to a show he would ask me "where is my Jake the Plumber hat?" or "Mom, I need my overalls." "why?" I asked. "So I can be Jake the plumber."
A little background for those of you who do not know. Jake the plumber is mentioned in the song "Second Hand Rose" that Alayna, Finoula and Evelyn sing for our Co-op. So in our last performance he had a cameo part walking accross the stage as 'Jake the Plumber'. Anyways, he feels that his performance and part is second to none in importance, and I know I'm not going to disagree!
He also felt compelled, we do not know why, to get up and walk accross the stage Friday night when the audience was all there. Luckily, the curtains hadn't opened yet. *sigh*
Thank you to Rachel for taking him on Saturday so that I could go about my business without having to stress about "Jake the Plumber" Making a suprise appearence in The Nutcracker. (:

Jake the Plumber in his dress rehearsal. With the hat but without the overalls.

Evelyn as a Merry Maid. She is next to Kelda the older ballerina and our friend.

Alayna as a wind-up doll. She is the red-cheeked doll on the far left.

Alayna bowing as a fairy attendant.