Blessed

I have always had a hard time accepting things from others.  I felt uncomfortable when people would give me things or serve me (with the notable exception of my parents).  I think it is because I am independent and strong-willed.  I hope I am not proud.  Lately, the Lord has been helping me to learn to accept and appreciate gifts from others.
When Isabelle was born I expected to have the same nursing relationship with her that I have had with my other children.  I already had a picture in my mind of what it would be like.  When she refused the breast, my heart broke.  I knew she was not refusing me, but somehow I couldn't meet her needs.  When I finally weaned her off of finger feeding I felt vindicated.  You just have to try hard enough.
At four months she had lost weight and we were sent to the hospital.  When I attempted to pump for her I couldn't get nearly enough.  What happened?  I felt betrayed and disillusioned.  This wasn't supposed to happen.  While I struggled to come to terms and to get my supply back up, Stephanie, my wonderful sister-in-law stepped up and using a hand pump, changing her diet, and loosing sleep, she brought us milk about every other day.  She did this for about a month, and I struggled to accept this wonderful amazing gift.  I tried many times to tell her how much it meant to me, but I don't know that you can understand unless you are recieving .  I felt relieved when my supply finally caught up.  I'm sure she did too.  (:
More recently, I have had my supply go down some and her needs increase.  I was going through my frozen milk supply fairly rapidly and had tried a hypo allergenic formula to supplement.  I found that while I could get her to accept it by mixing it with milk, if I gave it to her straight she would throw it up.  I didn't want to give it to her, I knew that especially with her challenges she needed the most help she could get and so I started working again to get my supply up.  It has worked only to a point, and then it stopped.  Short of what her needs are.  My family and I started to feel the strain of constant pumping.
Then another wonderful friend, Anaise, offered to pump once a day for me.  To her it is a small inconvenience.  Extra dishes, keeping track of a pump, 15 minutes or so.  She has assured me that it does not interfere too much with her life.  This is important to me because she already has a lot on her plate.  To Isabelle it means better nutrition, more brain growth, and less stomach trouble.  To me. . .to me it is an amazing gift of love.  It is someone doing for me what I cannot.  It is relief.  Time with my other kids.  Time with my husband.  Time to enjoy and hold my baby.  Peace of mind that even though there are so many things that I can't do for my little girl, so many things that I can't effect or change, so much wondering if I am doing enough, in this one area I know she is getting the very best nutrition possible.  With the help of others and the help of a all knowing all loving Father in Heaven we are giving her the absolute best thing for her.

Thank you to everyone who prays for her.  I feel those prayers.  Thanks to all of those that have served us in a hundred different ways.  Who have asked about her, who care about us.  Thank you.  I am learning to accept that I cannot do it all, but with the Lords help and the help of his angels on this earth, the important things can get done.






Merry Christmas!