Vertigo

What would it be like if every time you moved your head the tiniest bit the world started spinning?

What if you couldn't balance in a standing position and had to crawl?

What if even crawling you had to stop every couple of feet to rest your head against something solid?

Whirling, spinning, confused, unbelievable. You probably wouldn't believe it was real and occasionally move your head trying to convince yourself you were imagining it. I did. It was real.

After heroically feeding the baby, or helping my husband feed her, I clung to Joseph (who blessedly had the day off) and shoved my head hard against his shoulder while slowly inching to the car. I tried desperately to convince my brain that everything was in the same spot I left it. It didn't believe me.

I wasn't very nice to Joseph in the car. I know he was trying not to make it worse but sometimes the car had to turn the corner. I picked an urgent care based on the least amount of corners I had to turn to get there.

The doctor came in took a quick look in my ears and at my throat, decided that my head cold had nothing to do with my condition and started testing for a stroke. He lightly scratched both sides of my face and asked if they both felt the same. They didn't. Probably because for the past 2 hours I had been laying on one side of my face. Then he tried holding down one of my legs and had me try to lift it up. I couldn't very well, when he tried the other leg it was easy. Was he pushing different amounts? He said no. He gave me a prescription to go to the emergency room.

I wasn't happy. I was fairly certain that I hadn't had a stroke and emergency room visits aren't cheap. My father-in-law was in the area and he and my husband were able to give me a blessing. My mother-in-law went to be with the kids and just to be sure, (after Joseph ordered me not to talk about the cost anymore) we went to the hospital. They took me right back. When the doctor came in she said it was unlikely that I had had a stroke and looked carefully in my ears. After looking for a while she said I have a tear in one of my eardrums. I was downgraded to less important and it took us two more hours!! to get out of there.

So I am taking an anti-biotic and getting better everyday. Valium and Dramamine are sitting in the cupboard, but they knock me out, so I would rather not take them.

On the good side they have made my stuffy nose go away. So I guess I had a sinus infection?

New Phones

Ok, so maybe it's not really blogworthy (is that a new word?), but Joseph and I finally got our new phones. We have been looking at them and thinking about them for 6 months now, but our contract didn't run out until two days ago.

The difference is amazing. We have internet, scriptures, radio, TV, GPS, and books. . .lots and lots of books all for free, or actually all included in the price, which is only about $10 more per month then we were paying. I am in gadget heaven. (:

Comedy in action

On Saturday we had my niece Rebekah over and the kids made a play up. They had a lot of fun, and i think it turned out cute. I've put it on you tube and embedded it here. For now it is unlisted but anyone who has the URL can see it. Next week I will be switching it to completely private, so if you would like to still be able to get to it, set me know and I will add you to the allowed users.
Enjoy!

Not room enough

We have an apple tree in our backyard. It seems to be an every Other year apple tree. Last year we got two or so apples. We carefully cut them up and shared them. That was it. We had been blessed, by being able to pick and eat apples from our own tree.
This year we had a multitude of apples. We spent quite a bit of time picking, washing, cutting, cooking, canning, peeling, coring, juicing and even eating our apples. With the exception of a few apples too high up to pick and too stubborn to fall, and with the help of my sister-in-law Stephanie, we finished them. Now we have apple sauce, apple butter, apple syrup, and apple pie filling in jars.

Two years ago we had an amazingly HUGE bumper crop. A friend said it was because the year before it had froze and so the trees didn't make any. Regardless of the reason there were too many apples to pick, too many to can. They were a blessing, but I was nine months pregnant and there were too many. I would pick a bunch of apples only to look again and see that I had hardly made a dent.

It was then that I finally understood a phrase from the scriptures. He says and I will pour you out blessings that there will not be room enough to receive them. Blessings take work. Children, family, marriage, all of our greatest blessings take work to maintain to take care of to preserve. That work is a blessing in and of itself. It is the evidence of how blessed we are. The apples were a blessing. I had done nothing to make the tree grow apples. I hadn't planted it, hadn't fertilized it, hadn't sprayed it, nothing. I was reaping the reward of someone else's foresight and labor. The blessings were there for the taking. I just had to reach out my hand and take them. Then I had the choice of preserving that blessing and making it last- of expanding it. I can't help but feel that the Lord is often disappointed in me when He gives me a blessing and I take the free for the asking, but don't put in the hard work and effort necessary to preserve that blessing for myself and for others.

I am happy to have jars in my basement. Glad to have learned how. Blessed to have been protected from harm. I hope that I will always try to make room for the blessings that the Lord wants to give me.

The hunt for the perfect trailor

So after 13 years of marriage it looks like we May finally get a trailer. Now the problem is finding one within our very meager budget that we are both happy with. I would be fine with a tent trailer, especially one that has air and heat, but Joseph thinks it would be better to get a hard trailer, even if that means that it has to be older. We have found some amazing deals on craigslist. They have all been gone before we called, even the one that i called within two hours of posting. :(

We have found some OK deals on craigslist. All of them were a 2-3 hour drive and Joseph's day off isn't until next week. They are gone now.

We have found many not great deals, but of course we won't get those. And so I continue to obsess about not missing the next big deal and I have had to limit the number of times I can check craigslist a day to still continue living our lives. I know that this would be a good thing for our family and I just have to trust that the Lord will provide.

Why do I want a trailer?
-Tents are cold, damp, and hard to put up.
-Sleeping on the ground hurts for days after.
-hotels are expensive
-Our family has to get two rooms or a suite- even more expensive (I tried just getting one room, having the kids sleep on the floor etc, but I didn't feel truthful and when I found out that unless I lie about how many we are bringing they won't let me do that. . .)
-Driving at night is not an option for us eyelid heavy Lopezes
-driving long distances without stopping is therefore not possible(see above about hotels)
-Family that hasn't been on vacation because of cost could use it
-Family that can't vacation together because half can't afford hotels and the other half can't sleep in tents could vacation together
-Friends who would like to get away but have a similar situation to ours with family size could use it.
-I would feel so so happy and blessed to be the cause of happiness in friends and family
-nostalgia :) I had a tent trailer growing up and loved it
-I want to maximize the amount of time our family can spend together
-Temple trips would become easier- drive up- go to temple- spend night-drive back

I think that's it. Let me know if you think of any other great ideas. (: If anyone reading this knows of an inexpensive good condition older trailer camper for sale. . .Please let me know!

Sleep, wherefore art thou?

I am trying to not be at my wits end. I want to just take everything as its comes and go with the flow. It is really hard. I finally decided that getting up between 1-4 AM to pump was no longer necessary. For a couple of nights I glorified in being able to sleep through. When my milk supply dropped by half I thought, well she is getting older we will just have to fill in with more other foods, but at least I can sleep.
Now it seems even that consolation is gone. I don't know if it is the combination of foods that I am giving her, or allergies, or bites, or constipation or illness or hormones or what! I feel certain for about ten minutes that it must be this only to see something that makes me think no it's probably something else. The problem is that she is so so sensitive that if she is too hot, too cold, itchy, uncomfortable or a hundred other things then she won't stay asleep. Add to that that she has some known hormone problems and I am constantly second guessing myself. If only the girl could talk!
The saddest part is that while she is awake she isn't happy she's tossing, turning and crying sometimes this sad "I'm so tired why can't I sleep" sort of whine and sometimes loud sobs. I look back at everything We've figured out and I'm glad, I just wish that I could figure things out a bit faster. Like now.
It would be different if she took a couple of hours to go to sleep. She is going All Night with only no sleep. Not every night, and sometimes she'll nap for an hour, but when 6 am rolls around and she's still not asleep. . . I start to despair.

Share and share alike

Well I'm glad to see that my children have learned to share. I just wish that they wouldn't apply it to germs. It's really difficult when you have a larger family and you want them to all be friends when you have sick children. They normally spend all day at the least in the same room and many times within a foot or two of each other. I feel like a terrible mom as I say to the sick one, 'Don't get to close to anyone, sit over on the other couch while we read' or 'Why don't you read your book in the other room, or take a nap on your bed?' or even 'Sweetie, could you sit on the bean bag by yourself so that the rest of us can have room on the couch?'. I am also always reminding them to wash their hands and not to play with the baby. I stop them from doing helpful things like setting the table or dishing up food for their siblings.
I try to balance all of this out by giving them special privileges and cuddling with them one on one (and then changing my shirt and washing my hands before picking up the baby). But somehow it seems that it doesn't all balance out and I know the sick one feels like a pariah. This is why they will lay in the middle of the hall so I have to step over them to get anywhere. They want to be a part of everything in any way they can.
I'm extremely grateful when we get a quick recovery and pray for no one to be incubating.